1,680 Quotes About Comedy

So, what you’re basically telling me is death is boring but no worse than hanging out with family.

COMEDIAN: [...] What is it you do for a living?HECKLER: I mind my own business.COMEDIAN: Self-employed, eh? No really, what do you do?HECKLER: I try not to "do.

I gotta go Seth, so I'll leave you to work on being nerdy and withdrawn.”“It's not as easy as it looks, you know.”“I'm sure,” Nine said with a laugh.

What are you doing?” Nine Eleven asked, noticing Seth trying to look around him. He followed Seth's gaze. “Oh.” He turned back around and handed Seth a wry smile. “So what are you going to do about her, Seth? Create a love spell that will bend her to your will and make her your sex slave?”“Is that how you get dates?” Seth asked.

98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed.

Hey Circe, how come your horoscope predictions are never that a hot girl is gonna fall madly in love with me forever and ever?”“Uh, cause you're a dork Seth!” She taunted.“Oh yeah,” Seth said happily smiling at her. “That explains the devastating loneliness and constant abuse by alpha males…

Make your life the greatest story ever told!

HECKLER: Say something funny!COMEDIAN: I don't do requests.

My dad used to tell me that laughter was like a cough or a sneeze - the body's way of trying to expel something. But instead of some phlegm in your throat, or some dust up your nose, a laugh happened when something really true got into your brain. Something so true that your system just couldn't stand it.