693 Quotes About Contemporary

if anyone ever uses lol with me, i rip my computer right out off the wall and smash it over the nearest head. i mean, it's not like anyone's laughing loud about the things they lol.

God, I swear I will take a vow of silence and move to a monastery and worship you for all my days if you just this once provide me with an invistibility cloak, come on come on, please please invisibility cloak now now now.

if i told her about liking guys, she would probably stop trying to date me, which would be a huge plus, but i also know i'd immediately become her gay pet, and that's the last kind of leash i want. and it's not like i'm really that gay, i fucking hate madonna.

roger is bald and fat and his wife is probably bald and fat, too, and the last thing i want to hear about is them having bald and fast sex.

hang me/like a dead rose/preserve me/and my petals won't fall/until you touch them/and i dissolve

You're welcome, I say exasperated, and then I'm in a porn store.

W-I-L-L G-R-A-Y-S-O-N?, he says, spelling impossibly fast.

me: what's disgusting? simon: you know, that you put your thing in the place where he, um, defecates.

Dad, I don't need your approval, I say softly. I know, he answers, But I thought you might like it anyway.