381 Quotes About Dark-humor

Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.

You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape – the great face pressed even closer, so that Wonse was staring into the pitiless depths of his eyes – we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

He took a long draw then asked, “What’d I do?”“You knew about the guy threatening my dad?”He paused, shifted in his chair, so freaking busted, it wasn’t funny. “They told you?”“Why, no, Swopes, they didn’t. Instead, they waited until the guy knocked the fuck out of my dad and readied him for spaceflight with duct tape then tried to kill me with a butcher’s knife.

Bomb', Reyes said, not bothering to look up.'One of ours?' Maddox insisted...'Hardly. I know better than to blow myself up,' Reyes sighed.

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes.

After all, who wants to die slowly when you can die fast? Me.

A difference in self loathing? Please. The only difference between a gun and a rope is the time it takes to tie the knot.