1,791 Quotes About Dog

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

What a childhood I had - I was ten years old when I found out Alpo was dog food.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

All my fans tell me what a glamorous life I have, but I tell them how hard I work and how many nights I spend alone with my dogs, eating chicken pot pie in my bedroom.

The first information we got was that a dog had been thrown off the balcony, and that was not the case.

I really love the sound of my dog snoring.

Listen, punk. To me you're nothin' but dogshit, you understand? And a lot of things can happen to dogshit. It can be scraped up with a shovel off the ground. It can dry up and blow away in the wind. Or it can be stepped on and squashed. So take my advice and be careful where the dog shits ya!