57 Quotes About Funny-as-hell

I'm beginning to think my name has been changed to 'Damn it' or 'Asshole'" Styxx

You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt

I think we're avoiding the most important question here. What matters most. What means the most to men like us." Conall growled at Billy Dunwich's sincere face. "I am not telling you if she swallows."Dunwich smiled. "Just tell me if she's a good girl...or if she's a very good girl?

I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why."Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.*** "Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.

It all jibed, and the books would close on Jasper as death by misadventure. Unofficially, Eve labeled it death by stupidity, but there wasn't a place on the sheet for that particular observation. - Lt. Eve Dallas on a drunk fall off the roof

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

He also deeply distrusts vampires, as you had guessed yourself,” Bones added. “Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of ‘how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck’ to make me want to stake myself.

Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I want to drive and the other fella says sure and Kools stabbed him in the face.

If life is unfair with everyone, doesn’t that make life fair