57 Quotes About Funny-as-hell

Ash went over to the closet, and Sloane maintained his stoic expression. There was no way Dex would be hiding in the closet. It was too obvious. Ash opened the door, looking unimpressed. “There’s a fuckwit naked in your closet.”Dex looked up at Ash with wide eyes. “This isn’t what it looks like. I dropped some change, it rolled under the closet door, and when I went to pick it up, my clothes fell off. True story.

You were upset. I don't want you feeling forced into anything," he pressed on, horrified at his own words. Mental. Since when did he let chivalry get in the way of a blowjob? Talk about boycotting oneself, jeez.

Get in my way again, boy, and you're going to learn that Velkan isn't the only one in this family who has fangs." Retta to Viktor

Its a good thing I'm here, big guy, because you have shit taste in friends."Okay, I said the last part intentionally, knowing how Aaron would react. And right on cue, Aaron said:"He's not my friend!""Well, I guess that settles it, Nick. You're not going to be rebound guy because, despite your predictions of woe, Aaron and I aren't breaking up. I'd say that we'll see you around, but I doubt that'll happen since you don't even rate friend status.

I [dad] spent hours on the phone. Do you know with whom?' 'One of those psychic hotlines?' Dad gritted his teeth. 'If only...

That face. That body. And you know he’s packing. Look at the angle on that dangle.

I love Nudge, Nudge is a great kid, but that motormouth of hers couldhave turned Mother Teresa into an ax murderer

Sorry. My friends didn't mention certain....details about you and you just wouldn't believe how nutty some people are. Just last week, I had a woman convinced her trailer was haunted by Tupac, as if he'd want to spend eternity in a double wide that smelled like cat piss.

You take I-55 south, and you'll run into I-20. Or you could take..."I was about to be overloaded with information. "Oh that sounds just perfect. Let me do just that, or I'll lose track."Sure, glad I could help."Oh, you surely did."We beamed at each other, just two nice women. I had to fight an impulse to say "I have a tortured vampire in my trunk," out of sheer giddiness.