177 Quotes About Humor-relationships

The only difference between kids and jungle animals is pants. Kids wear them. Jungle animals don't.

Sleeping with a man half your age can be exhausting, but if it's too much for him you can always find a younger man.

You know what's not sexy?" I pushed his hand away. "Babies. Babies are not sexy.""But I bought condoms," he said. "I even practiced putting one on!"The lost-puppy look on his face made me smile. "I'm proud of you, Boner Man, but that's not enough.

Watch it, buster. There's only room for one sarcastic malcontent in this relationship.

Pe aceia pe care Dumnezeu i-a unit nici o soacra sa nu-i desparta!

She lay there, destroyed, quiet aftershocks shuddering through her. Silence settled into the room.“Mind letting go of my hair, Sophi?” His muffled voice vibrated against her pubic bone.“Oh!” She released her fists still violently clenched in his hair. He raised his head, laughter gleaming in his eyes.

I hoped I might still get to spend the afternoon with her, despite my surprise declaration of love and insulting her father. When I looked at it like that, it had not been the best five minutes of our friendship.

A decent guy doesn’t just get born and grow up to be Mr. Perfect.  They need to be created by a woman.  They’re like a dumb blank lump of clay and you have to mold them into what you want them to be, while erasing everything their mothers ever taught them and all the horrible internet porn they’ve watched growing up.

Right, if I told you, I'd have to kill you."Emma frowned. "If you kill me, you aren't getting any nookie." She wrinkled her nose. "And if you are, that's really sick.