24,501 Quotes About Humor

Nothing mitigates the throes of depression like a steaming plate of spaghetti and meatballs with marinara sauce and grated parmasan cheese, with a good fresh bread to wipe up.

Life is brighter on the lighter side.

Wir sind alle ein bisschen gestorben in diesem Krieg, glaube ich. Wie meine Mutter immer gesagt hat. Krieg tötet alle, auch die, die ihn überleben.

Back in the days when gladiators hacked away at each other, there was always the man who decided whether the defeated should live or die. The job is usually given to the Emperor in movies, but in fact any senior man could have been the designated thumbs-up-thumbs-down guy. The official title for this fellow was...the editor. (evil laughter in background)

Smartass Disciple: Master, what do say about the truth itself ?Master of Stupidity: Like sex, no fun anymore if all is revealed.

which was so easy a staples button could do it

so the bartender knew he would be paid handsomely. Not beautifully, but handsomely as there is a subtle distinction and one all pretty boys need to hear.

An octopus, who holds the record for defense in a football game – ten tackles

Glancing around for his friends eenie, meenie, miney, and mo, they were nowhere to be found and he was left stranded with this lane picking dilemma, so he grimaced and picked the first lane offered.