5,226 Quotes About Humour

I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.

Ever since I discovered that my god given male member was going to give me no peace, I decided to give it no rest in return.

You think I can't get it up anymore, maybe? Lemme tell you, you eat enough garlic and it stands up every time.

People say it is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money you can have a key made.

Liked" was the kiss of death. "Loved" or "hated" interested him. At least the performer had aroused emotion.

…you either do or do not have a comedy mind, whatever that is, maybe a heightened sense of the ridiculous and the absurdity of life…We are all crazy and crazed.

…but I think comedy is more aggressive than that. It is a medium for revenge. We can deflate and punish the pomposity and the rejection which hurt us. Comedy is power.

It gathers emotionally inside you, in a strange way a by-product of struggle, of a willingness to do anything, try anything, expose yourself to anything — staying in motion because sooner or later those ripples will cause change.