5,226 Quotes About Humour

He had decided that if he ever returned to his old job he would create a special level of hell, an enormous inescapable shop of attractive but useless and overpriced items that the damned would wander for eternity in the cold delusion that this was what they wanted. And then Nerys had taken him to IKEA and Clovenhoof realised the humans had once again beaten him to it.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you; especially if you're dining alone.

People who live in rubber houses should not throw stones either!

For someone as amazing as you, attention is like food, and you’re always hungry.

They’re macarons, not macaroons, you imbecile! One ‘o’, not two.

The truth is that I will always need you more than you need me. It’s also the truth that I’m not a good bet for someone as vital and young as you. I’m bad tempered, a perfectionist who is too serious, and too used to being on my own. You could go out tomorrow and find someone better for you, but the truth is that no one will ever need you like I do.” He pauses and then says firmly. “No one will ever love you like I do.

Noel slopped, sloshed, splashed and squished through the mud - oh, what fun it was.

People who live in rubber houses should not throw stones either.

Ah, if only we were born roaring with laughter and took that emotional template through life with us! Whoever's in charge seriously messed up somewhere. I can only hope that right now, that selfsame Whoever is wryly relating their cock-up to some celestial colleague, who responds: 'Hey, you should put that in a book. LOL!