5,226 Quotes About Humour

There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.

- Mr. Alakbarov, how much is the rent for this fantastic apartment?- Madam, this is the red wine aisle of the grocery store.

Chicken salad with egg in it is very interesting way to eat two generations.

I once went to a restaurant and ordered a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich to see which would come first.

Ty didn't think Middleton was a great girl. He thought Middleton was a pain in the ass. Waltzing around with her shiny hair and long legs and her throaty voice, being cuter than a fistful of buttons. Where did she get off?

Back in the day, it was either both a mother and her daughter had pubic hair, or the daughter didn’t. Today, in many a case, the mother is the one who doesn’t.

I don’t reckon it’s allowed, going round setting fire to people,” said Adam. “Otherwise people’d be doin’ it all the time.”“It’s all right if you’re religious,” said Brian reassuringly. “And it stops the witches from goin’ to Hell, so I expect they’d be quite grateful if they understood it properly.

Awfulness can happen at any time. That's what's so awful.

All of life is a continuous state of wonder interrupted by bedtime and light snacks.