5,226 Quotes About Humour

Before I go to bed, I clear a safe access path from the front door to the bedrooms. I'm not going to put everything away, because it will all be out again tomorrow, but this is my concession to good housekeeping: to make sure we can get out without breaking our necks if there's a fire.

Discarding possessions in his wake, Tim just drifts along happily through life. My dad calls him deciduous, and Laura's take on it is that he keeps losing things because he feels he had lost his father.

A chap’s impending death has a way of focusing the mind.


I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day!

That you exist, is offense enough to arrest you.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

The other one was filled with loud and obnoxious tourists. Always boasting on winning a sand castle competition and seeing who could get tanned first. What a whacky bunch of people.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.