5,226 Quotes About Humour

Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign, but in the real world, it isn't.

Man is valuable like money.

I am empowered but have no power to compel anyone to do anything

You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain.

Don’t know if it’s good or bad that a Google search on “Big Bang Theory” lists the sitcom before the origin of the Universe

That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

I have written it before and am not ashamed to write it again. Without Wodehouse I am not sure that I would be a tenth of what I am today -- whatever that may be. In my teenage years, his writings awoke me to the possibilities of language. His rhythms, tropes, tricks and mannerisms are deep within me.But more than that, he taught me something about good nature. It is enough to be benign, to be gentle, to be funny, to be kind.

No, we do it for the money.'And, because we above all must know the value of a human life, we do it for a great deal of money. 'There can be few cleaner motives, so shorn of all pretence.'Nil mortifi, sine lucre. Remember. No killing without payment.'He paused for a moment.'And always give a receipt,' he added.