5,226 Quotes About Humour

When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and she said, "Oh my God, chapter six, sex and a murder," and her five year old wandered into the kitchen and said, "Sixty hamburgers?

When an artist friend of mine explained she was working her way up the creative ladder, I asked if she would kindly paint the front of my house on the way up.

£500.” He hisses furiously at me. “I can’t believe I’ve spent £500 on an entire new wardrobe and a new haircut – one that I didn’t even want my I add!” As he talks, I skip happily, a dreamy smile plastered all over my face. I’ve had, without a shadow of a doubt, the best day ever. “I can.” I answer, my voice rising several decibels, as I lose myself, currently, on cloud nine. “I’ve loved spending your money. It feels awesome!

Aren't maids the ultimate art critics?

She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet.

I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it

It is a fool of a shepherd who culls his dogs.

How do you explain plastic to a medieval forest bard?

I ended up sitting right next to Sexy Patty. The placement wasn’t on purpose. (I needed the hands of God, not a girlfriend.) Since I was dealing with my own issues, I failed to notice that she was clenching a napkin and sweating profusely from head to toe. Nonetheless, she looked hotter than a fever.