5,226 Quotes About Humour

Always dip your toe in the past before stepping into the future

Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.

You realise you’re going to owe me dinner after this, right?”“How does McDonald’s sound?”“Inadequate.

If you were anyone else, your nuts would be taking a long vacation, and the destination would be out of your mouth

Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.

I have actually known a case where a Woman has exterminated her whole household, and half an hour afterwards, when her rage was over and the fragments swept away, has asked what has become of her husband and her children.

Although they probably know that some children were used and some children are used as miners, most adults are ignorant of the chocolate industry’s use of minors.

I should have learned mindfulness, and it’s too late now because it’s no good learning it when you’re already in crisis: you have to start when things are good. But only the very, very oddest would think, Hey, my life is perfect. I know! I’ll sit and waste twenty minutes Observing My Thoughts without Judgement.

Her series features relaxed into a wide smile. She possessed the teeth of a tiny horse--white and square except for two pairs of pathetic canines.