5,226 Quotes About Humour

Yes, you are still grieving for the fact that Olly is not loving you as you love him. But death is no solution. Certainly not this horrible, messy death. Could you at least not consider possible option that is not leaving you looking diabolical at funeral?"Oh, for the love of God.

When all else fails: explosions.

It's your funeral. Which will happen sooner than it needs to, because I read that married people live longer than single people.' 'That's not true,' I reply. 'It just feels longer.

Some people just don’t find their Prince Charming straight away, they have to search for him.

In other words, she reflected, they hadn’t known the hardship or the happiness of true conjugal life. But if only they’d been aware that they were lovers, and not husband and wife, and lived out their relationship as it really was, their experience might have been totally different. True, they might have been ostracized, and they would have lost their easy tranquillity — but they might also have felt a keener, more intense kind of joy.

The day you start accepting that life is a bitch and laughing over it, is the day you won't seem to mind how many puppies she gives.

Pastor Daniel, meanwhile, is sipping water on the balcony of a former sailing clubhouse, I ask if he can show me which parts of the Qur'an cause him concern. He tells me he's not the best person to ask.'I can introduce you to a guy – I wouldn't call myself a scholarly person on Islam.'Strange response, considering his travelling roadshow routine.

We go around the room, introducing ourselves.'I'm Hamza, I'm a friend of John's, I suppose,' he says a little reluctantly. Hamza tweeted recently that Muslims should not befriend the infidel. So I'm chuffed by his declaration. A bit like when a friend's cat hates everyone but you.

So it turns out I wasn't the only Jew at the rally. There were two and a half more. Not protesting against the UPF, but supporting them? That clinches it. Skinheads side by side with Jews; immigrants against immigrants; Shermon's promise of a far-right hajj – this is a case for John Safran, Jew Detective.