437 Quotes About Jokes

Someone said to me "You will always find the way to come back home," and i said to him "Yes only if you ask the people.

Listen," I say, "funny is the best thing I am."Faith says, "Making jokes is your way of saying 'Do you love me?' and when someone laughs you think they've said yes.

Couple years ago, I have a dream. My dream is about having a car, but I have it now, and guess what? I'm dreaming about to drive it.

Jokes are a fine way to ease the tension. Although the line between joke and insult is extremely vague, entirely dependent on the intent behind it. One should answer insults with retribution, and jokes with smiles.

People make a priest, even though he must be ordained by a bishop.

The air was so frigid that it almost hurt to breathe. They wrapped their arms around one another and thought of all the Christmas cracker jokes they could remember to distract themselves from the cold. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic. Why did Santa go into therapy? Because he suffered from low elf-esteem.

What do Northsiders use for protection when having sex? Bus shelters.What's the difference between a Northsider and Batman? Batman can go into a shop without robbin'.What do you call a Northsider in a suit? The defendant.

RAND scientists tried to tell their wives that the decision whether to buy or not to buy a washing machine was an “optimization problem.

I hate people who say, “Good moaning,” instead of, “Good morning.” What kind of a wanker, are they? I’ll tell you. It’s their little joke, you see. They view it as a clever play on words, changing one letter to make a completely different word. Do you get it? By changing the ‘r’ in morning to an ‘a’ the whole meaning of the word changes. Do you see how witty they are? WANKEEERRRSS!!!!