1,018 Quotes About Witty

I have decided, before the embers of my life dwindle anymore, to embark on a grand tour. With rumblings of revolution and troubled times to come, the old ways are passing on. I have had enough of sitting here twiddling with a quill writing my wretched memoirs. Twelve volumes. Mostly lies but amusing, nevertheless. It is time to return to life.

If someone sent you a suicide note," Gertrude said. "You'd correct the spelling and send it back to them.""They'd at least die grammatically," said Alice.

There are times to be humble and times to bring the thunder!

If truth hurts, Ignorance is way better.

There is a moment when you just know it and can’t deny it. It’s simply the irrefutable truth, and now you have to change the situation because it’s no longer working for you. Maybe you come to the realization gradually, or maybe you come to it like a nearly missed red light when you stomp on the brake, and it’s right there, unmistakable. It’s the moment when you realize there is only one cool person in the relationship or dating thingy, and it’s not the other person.

Living inside this head was a torture of endless looping thoughts and self-hatred. Like many women, my suffering manifested itself through my relationship with my body that transcended self-hatred into self-destruction. There’s no need to go into any more detail about what it was like. What I do want to offer is that there is hope.

I don’t understand skinny jeans. I don’t understand why people like them, wear them, or buy them. If I want something to hug my calves that tight, I would get a dog that follows me around and humps my legs all day.

I have decided to use my voice to tell you stuff that you may not otherwise know. Not to scare you or make you feel bad, but to inform you so you’re not totally taken by surprise as I have been. Maybe it’s my own ignorance. Maybe it’s lack of cable. After all, don’t they talk about this shit on Dr. Oz? By the way, how many of us can relate to a person who would be an audience member of daytime talk show?

Faith can move mountains; true: mountains of stupidity.