[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"$fk3BT7aRbddnw8JXSKuMvisheMSUJC9gN5HdAt8Bn0Dk":3,"$fOykYjNcUQpb3yODSGpKAj_Gk-igdTKdqayjVwvZ3tjk":24},{"author":4,"tags":11},{"author_id":5,"author_name":6,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"bio":9,"short_bio":9,"bio_jsonld":9,"slug":10,"image_url":9},5910,"Ada Calhoun","A",51,null,"ada-calhoun",[12,16,20],{"tag_id":13,"tag_name":14,"tag_count":15},95,"marriage",16,{"tag_id":17,"tag_name":18,"tag_count":19},115,"women",7,{"tag_id":21,"tag_name":22,"tag_count":23},41533,"generation-x",5,{"quotes":25,"pagination":89},[26,34,40,46,53,59,65,71,77,83],{"id":27,"quote_text":28,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":31,"source":32,"quote_tag":33,"commentary":9},2823416,"I want to say that one day you and your husband will fight about missed flights, and you’ll find yourself wistful for the days when you had to pay for only your own mistakes. I want to say that at various points in your marriage, may it last forever, you will look at this person and feel only rage. You will gaze at this man you once adored and think, It sure would be nice to have this whole place to myself.",6,false,{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":35,"quote_text":36,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":37,"source":38,"quote_tag":39,"commentary":9},2823413,"Generation X women, who as children lacked cell phones and helicopter parents, came up relying on our own wits. To keep ourselves safe, we took control. We worked hard and made lists and tried to do everything all at once for a very long time without much help. We took responsibility for ourselves – and later we also took responsibility for our work or partners or children or parents. We should be proud of ourselves.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":41,"quote_text":42,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":43,"source":44,"quote_tag":45,"commentary":9},2823411,"Sometimes we can thank our feelings for sharing and ignore them. Maybe wanting doesn’t have to perfectly coincide with getting. Maybe sometimes not-getting has a value of its own.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":47,"quote_text":48,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":49,"source":50,"quote_tag":51,"commentary":52},2823407,"To love somebody is not just a strong feeling – it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise,” writes psychologist Erich Fromm. “If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],"**The Backstory**\n\nErich Fromm's insightful words on love were penned during a time when societal norms and expectations around romantic relationships were undergoing significant shifts. The 1940s and 1950s, the era in which Fromm wrote \"The Art of Loving,\" saw a growing emphasis on emotional intimacy and long-term commitment in Western cultures. As a psychologist, Fromm was likely influenced by his experiences as a Jew living through World War II, which may have deepened his understanding of love as a choice rather than a fleeting emotion.\n\n**The Hidden Insight**\n\nWhat most people miss is the distinction between love as a feeling and love as a commitment. For Fromm, true love involves not just the euphoria of infatuation but also a deliberate decision to stand by one's partner through life's joys and challenges. This tension highlights that love cannot be reduced solely to emotional highs; it demands a level of maturity, responsibility, and foresight.\n\n**How to Use This**\n\nWhen considering whether you are truly in love or merely swept up in the excitement of new romance, remember that lasting relationships require an ongoing commitment, not just a current feeling. As you make decisions about your long-term partnerships, ask yourself: Am I making promises based on where my heart is today, or am I also thinking critically about what this relationship might look like tomorrow?",{"id":54,"quote_text":55,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":56,"source":57,"quote_tag":58,"commentary":9},2823401,"We bear financial responsibilities that men had in the old days while still saddled with traditional caregiving duties. We generally incur this double whammy precisely while hitting peak stress in both our careers and child-raising – in our forties, at an age when most of our mothers and grandmothers were already empty nesters.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":60,"quote_text":61,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":62,"source":63,"quote_tag":64,"commentary":9},2823396,"So what’s the secret to staying together?” I asked her. “Be nice?” she offered. I laughed, but that may be it, the way a secret to losing weight is to eat less. Be nice. Don’t leave. That’s all.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":66,"quote_text":67,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":68,"source":69,"quote_tag":70,"commentary":9},2823392,"The romantic fairy tales we grew up with – where marriage is the happy ending rather than the opening scene – are not useful for grown-ups.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":72,"quote_text":73,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":74,"source":75,"quote_tag":76,"commentary":9},2823387,"By staying married, we give something to ourselves and to others: hope. Hope that in steadfastly loving someone, we ourselves, for all our faults, will be loved; that the broken world will be made whole. To hitch your rickety wagon to the flickering star of another fallible human being – what an insane thing to do. What a burden, and what a gift.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":78,"quote_text":79,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":80,"source":81,"quote_tag":82,"commentary":9},2823376,"Gen Xers are in ‘the prime of their lives’ at a particularly dangerous and divisive moment,′ Boomer marketing expert Faith Popcorn told me. ‘They have been hit hard financially and dismissed culturally. They have tons of debt. They’re squeezed on both sides by children and aging parents. The grim state of adulthood is hitting them hard. If they’re exhausted and bewildered, they have every reason to feel that way.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":84,"quote_text":85,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":86,"source":87,"quote_tag":88,"commentary":9},2823363,"The boring parts don’t last forever. In retrospect, they aren’t even boring.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"currentPage":90,"totalPages":29,"totalItems":8,"itemsPerPage":91},1,10]