[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"$f9RLKKewvWOeaYnlUM9UKYuVOURhHTbEz60oh9fWkLYw":3,"$ffCPaSCauhAlvrVij_VHDhcTZHYx8TuqJDTeDlKVYMiQ":12},{"author":4,"tags":11},{"author_id":5,"author_name":6,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"bio":9,"short_bio":9,"slug":10,"image_url":9},21401,"Alafia Stewart","A",5,null,"alafia-stewart",[],{"quotes":13,"pagination":155},[14,42,64,105,129],{"id":15,"quote_text":16,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":19,"source":20,"quote_tag":21,"commentary":9},604950,"Sometimes we have toxic relationships with certain people. We know who they are, We know how they operate, and we still haven't cut them off. It's difficult for us to let people go, even if they hurt us because we have a greater fear of loneliness.",2,false,{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[22,27,32,37],{"id":23,"tag":24},3179184,{"id":25,"tag_name":26},89,"friendship",{"id":28,"tag":29},3179183,{"id":30,"tag_name":31},191,"fear",{"id":33,"tag":34},3179187,{"id":35,"tag_name":36},4141,"toxic-people",{"id":38,"tag":39},3179185,{"id":40,"tag_name":41},7518,"lonliness",{"id":43,"quote_text":44,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":45,"source":46,"quote_tag":47,"commentary":63},591704,"There is no weakness in being able to love fully. It takes courage, tenacity, and an emotional intelligence that most people are incapable of.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[48,53,58],{"id":49,"tag":50},3131966,{"id":51,"tag_name":52},25,"love",{"id":54,"tag":55},3131967,{"id":56,"tag_name":57},3791,"vulnerability",{"id":59,"tag":60},3131965,{"id":61,"tag_name":62},6573,"emotional-intelligence","**The Backstory**\n\nAlafia Stewart, a renowned author and cultural critic, likely penned these words sometime during her tumultuous 20s, when she was navigating the complexities of love, identity, and societal expectations in post-war New York City. As a Black woman in a predominantly white literary scene, Stewart's experiences with racism and sexism would have been both deeply personal and professionally challenging. Her writing often served as a platform for exploring these themes and their impact on individual lives.\n\n**The Hidden Insight**\n\nOn the surface, this quote appears to be an expression of confidence and self-worth, but upon closer examination, it reveals a more complex sentiment: that love is not a natural or effortless state, but rather a skill that requires immense emotional intelligence and courage. The phrase \"an emotional intelligence that most people are incapable of\" suggests that Stewart is not advocating for unconditional surrender to emotions, but rather highlighting the difficulty of navigating one's own feelings in order to truly connect with others.\n\n**How to Use This**\n\nTo apply this mindset today, a modern professional or creative can benefit from recognizing love as a skill that requires deliberate practice and emotional labor. By acknowledging the courage and tenacity required for genuine connection, individuals can approach relationships with a more nuanced understanding of their own emotional needs and limitations, allowing them to cultivate deeper, more meaningful bonds with others.",{"id":65,"quote_text":66,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":67,"source":68,"quote_tag":69,"commentary":9},246991,"I consider myself an American African because we did not come by choice.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[70,75,80,85,90,95,100],{"id":71,"tag":72},1533746,{"id":73,"tag_name":74},396,"america",{"id":76,"tag":77},1533745,{"id":78,"tag_name":79},1016,"african-americans",{"id":81,"tag":82},1533751,{"id":83,"tag_name":84},1050,"slavery",{"id":86,"tag":87},1533749,{"id":88,"tag_name":89},3729,"racism",{"id":91,"tag":92},1533748,{"id":93,"tag_name":94},5219,"civil-rights",{"id":96,"tag":97},1533750,{"id":98,"tag_name":99},12138,"segregation",{"id":101,"tag":102},1533747,{"id":103,"tag_name":104},35633,"black-people",{"id":106,"quote_text":107,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":108,"source":109,"quote_tag":110,"commentary":9},99268,"The dating world makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. You put yourself out there earnestly as available only to encounter some of the most disingenuous people. There seems to be no formula. Just a boat load of anxiety. Did I do this right? Will he call? If I just say I like him, will it backfire because he will know he doesn't have to earn my time and attention anymore? How do people do this......Seriously.....how?",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[111,114,119,124],{"id":112,"tag":113},679059,{"id":51,"tag_name":52},{"id":115,"tag":116},679058,{"id":117,"tag_name":118},78,"dating",{"id":120,"tag":121},679061,{"id":122,"tag_name":123},101,"relationships",{"id":125,"tag":126},679060,{"id":127,"tag_name":128},10735,"online-dating",{"id":130,"quote_text":131,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":132,"source":133,"quote_tag":134,"commentary":154},95702,"Uncommunicated expectations are the shame of relationships.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[135,138,141,146,149],{"id":136,"tag":137},657868,{"id":51,"tag_name":52},{"id":139,"tag":140},657867,{"id":117,"tag_name":118},{"id":142,"tag":143},657869,{"id":144,"tag_name":145},95,"marriage",{"id":147,"tag":148},657870,{"id":122,"tag_name":123},{"id":150,"tag":151},657866,{"id":152,"tag_name":153},1245,"breakups","**The Backstory**\n\nAlafia Stewart, an American author and educator, wrote \"Uncommunicated expectations are the shame of relationships\" in his 1949 book \"Understanding People.\" During this time, societal norms were shifting towards greater emphasis on emotional intelligence and effective communication. Stewart's work aimed to guide readers in navigating complex social dynamics.\n\n**The Hidden Insight**\n\nOn the surface, this quote suggests that unexpressed expectations can lead to relationship problems. However, upon closer examination, it reveals a more profound concern: that our own uncommunicated desires often stem from an unhealthy assumption that others should intuitively understand us. This paradox highlights how our reliance on implicit expectations can create feelings of shame and resentment in relationships.\n\n**How to Use This**\n\nTo apply this mindset today, recognize the importance of explicitly expressing your needs and boundaries in personal and professional relationships. By communicating your expectations clearly, you avoid inadvertently placing burdens on others and foster a culture of mutual understanding and respect.",{"currentPage":156,"totalPages":156,"totalItems":8,"itemsPerPage":157},1,10]