[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"$fl9PnNNcnNlngUUR_tSWafvigDPbXIIpcVQkM08rDrOg":3,"$fieJDpP0MNBy8IRI1h1T1mA3MBzmVvnyfCe5prczwoXk":12},{"author":4,"tags":11},{"author_id":5,"author_name":6,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"bio":9,"short_bio":9,"slug":10,"image_url":9},29242,"Daphne de Marneffe","D",4,null,"daphne-de-marneffe",[],{"quotes":13,"pagination":65},[14,27,38,50],{"id":15,"quote_text":16,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":19,"source":20,"quote_tag":21,"commentary":9},759243,"One of people's biggest barriers to change is the illusion that they should have figured thing out by now. The reality though is that we're facing weird, new stuff, and the most fitting orientation, might be disorientation. After all, the cost of believing we've got it figure out is often a sense of stasis. One benefit of recognizing our confusion can be an openness to exploration and change",2,false,{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[22],{"id":23,"tag":24},3610768,{"id":25,"tag_name":26},28627,"midlife",{"id":28,"quote_text":29,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":30,"source":31,"quote_tag":32,"commentary":9},595007,"Exaggerating my partner's position allows me to fight with him, rather than ask myself the hard questions about what I believe we can afford. I delegate certain attribute to my partner -for example, recasting his reasonable concern as his \"negative\" approach to money- while claiming other attributes for myself- I spend as a way to \"stand up for myself\" in the face of my partner's \"control\" or to express my \"sense of adventure in the face of my partner's\" \"inertia",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[33],{"id":34,"tag":35},3144939,{"id":36,"tag_name":37},3968,"marriage-advice",{"id":39,"quote_text":40,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":41,"source":42,"quote_tag":43,"commentary":49},140221,"an \"attachment injury\" which comes about when one person in a couple fails to respond t the other at a critical moment of vulnerability of need. Typical moments include labor and childbirth, illness, trauma, loss, and times of transition. If a person feels betrayed, neglected, or uncared for by his partner in such moments, relational trauma occurs. the incident then becomes an organizing event and recurring theme that stands in the way of understanding and repair.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[44],{"id":45,"tag":46},910155,{"id":47,"tag_name":48},95,"marriage","**The Backstory**\nThis quote is attributed to Daphne de Marneffe, an American psychologist known for her work on relationships and family dynamics. Specifically, it seems to be from her book \"Maternal Desire: On Children, Love, and the Inner Life\" (2004), where she explores the complexities of motherhood and the impact of early life experiences on attachment patterns.\n\n**The Hidden Insight**\nWhat's striking about this quote is its nuance regarding vulnerability. De Marneffe doesn't merely advocate for being open or honest; she highlights a specific context in which vulnerability is particularly risky—moments of need, especially those tied to life-altering events like childbirth or illness. This creates tension between the importance of openness and the potential for relational trauma if not handled carefully.\n\n**How to Use This**\nIn applying this insight today, consider that moments of professional or personal vulnerability require a delicate balance. When facing challenges, such as career setbacks or team conflicts, it's crucial to recognize the context and be aware of how your actions might impact others.",{"id":51,"quote_text":52,"author_id":5,"source_id":17,"has_image":18,"author":53,"source":54,"quote_tag":55,"commentary":64},140201,"We reclaim genuine space for our identities not by rushing headlong into simplistic remedies, but by engaging in the less glamorous spadework of paying attention to our feelings, clarifying what matters to us, asserting our point of view, and negotiating for change.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[56,59],{"id":57,"tag":58},910047,{"id":47,"tag_name":48},{"id":60,"tag":61},910048,{"id":62,"tag_name":63},5339,"self-actualization","**The Backstory**\nDaphne de Marneffe, an American clinical psychologist and writer, likely penned these words in one of her many essays or books exploring the complexities of identity and relationships. The quote reflects her nuanced understanding of human emotions and behavior, developed through years of working with patients and observing societal trends.\n\n**The Hidden Insight**\nThe counter-intuitive truth here lies in de Marneffe's assertion that reclaiming genuine space for one's identity requires \"less glamorous spadework\" – namely, paying attention to feelings, clarifying values, asserting one's perspective, and negotiating change. This means that the most effective way to establish a strong sense of self may not involve grand actions or dramatic declarations, but rather quiet introspection and deliberate action.\n\n**How to Use This**\nTo apply this mindset in your own life, take time to engage in reflective practices like journaling or meditation, allowing yourself to clarify what truly matters to you. By asserting your point of view and negotiating for change in small, incremental ways, you can gradually build a more authentic sense of identity that resonates with others.",{"currentPage":66,"totalPages":66,"totalItems":8,"itemsPerPage":67},1,10]