[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"$fZThD_jmQCggI74PiSfd1zSFTrcOoEnnID0SSA2sVUYA":3,"$fZP93YrXVf_UwHQ-v5XxDzdaJH_oEVIysXRFmffMcSik":31},{"author":4,"tags":11},{"author_id":5,"author_name":6,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"bio":9,"short_bio":9,"slug":10,"image_url":9},11467,"Marya Hornbacher","M",182,null,"marya-hornbacher",[12,16,20,24,28],{"tag_id":13,"tag_name":14,"tag_count":15},45063,"eating-disorder",9,{"tag_id":17,"tag_name":18,"tag_count":19},4802,"mental-illness",8,{"tag_id":21,"tag_name":22,"tag_count":23},23965,"bipolar-disorder",6,{"tag_id":25,"tag_name":26,"tag_count":27},2624,"eating-disorders",5,{"tag_id":29,"tag_name":30,"tag_count":27},19063,"anorexia",{"quotes":32,"pagination":95},[33,41,47,53,59,65,71,77,83,89],{"id":34,"quote_text":35,"author_id":5,"source_id":36,"has_image":37,"author":38,"source":39,"quote_tag":40,"commentary":9},3821493,"When you're teaching creative nonfiction, it helps to have written about your life in a very open way, because you can say, 'Look, how much are you willing to risk emotionally to write? How careful can you be with the other people you're writing about?'",7,false,{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":42,"quote_text":43,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":44,"source":45,"quote_tag":46,"commentary":9},3268483,"The side of me that feared fire and longed for ice, that cringed at noise and hungered for silence, that shied from touch and desired to numb itself into nothing.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":48,"quote_text":49,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":50,"source":51,"quote_tag":52,"commentary":9},3268482,"We’re like little kids. We are little kids, but don’t tell us that – we’re having a fantastic time. We have our little house, and live our little life. We are the perfect young husband and wife. We have nonstop dinner parties – the glorious food, the fabulous friends, the gallons of wine. I sometimes feel as if I’ve raced off a cliff and am spinning my legs in midair, like Wile E. Coyote. But I’m fine. It’s fine. It’s all going to be fine. Crazy people don’t have dinner parties, do they? No.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":54,"quote_text":55,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":56,"source":57,"quote_tag":58,"commentary":9},3268481,"My students know I have a life, they know I’ve written about my life. They know some detail, probably more than they know about their physics teacher, but I would’ve told them anyway!",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":60,"quote_text":61,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":62,"source":63,"quote_tag":64,"commentary":9},3268480,"We are, by our very human nature, limited in what we can know or do or control or change.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":66,"quote_text":67,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":68,"source":69,"quote_tag":70,"commentary":9},3268479,"If a woman stands in a kitchen rubbing her eyes and pouring coffee with no one there to see her, does she exist? I.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":72,"quote_text":73,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":74,"source":75,"quote_tag":76,"commentary":9},3268478,"When we doubt, we learn to accept that we may not ever know. When we question, we learn to accept that there may be no answer. When we shout our doubt out into the universe, we learn to accept that we may be met with a silence we do not know how to read.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":78,"quote_text":79,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":80,"source":81,"quote_tag":82,"commentary":9},3268477,"Am I ultimately alone? How many of us have asked that question – drunk or sober – when we’ve wondered if there was a God or when we’ve decided that there was none? And the universe reels around us, more vast than we could begin to comprehend and more apparently empty. But it’s only when we overlook the fairly obvious fact that we are human beings on a planet packed with human beings that we can entertain the fairly self-indulgent idea that we are, in fact, alone.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":84,"quote_text":85,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":86,"source":87,"quote_tag":88,"commentary":9},3268476,"I would disappear, only to come home reinvented. I would be unrecognizable upon my fleeting returns. This fantasy was realized, but not quite the way I had intended. In deciding to remake myself, I managed to avoid the fact that I would also, by definition, have to erase what self there was to begin with. I began to wonder, many years later, if total erasure had been my intent all along.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":90,"quote_text":91,"author_id":5,"source_id":23,"has_image":37,"author":92,"source":93,"quote_tag":94,"commentary":9},3268475,"I am mad. The thought calms me. I don’t have to try to be sane anymore. It’s over. I sleep.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"currentPage":96,"totalPages":97,"totalItems":8,"itemsPerPage":98},1,19,10]