[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"$fTBC0Ou9DhYAwfLJ1B-Vox_P0v8Hhbw7674qccrCRhCs":3,"$fjByHzfrS20LQNLPNuuUJ0nXpmTt8EiWlcD2aWyj3d8A":24},{"author":4,"tags":11},{"author_id":5,"author_name":6,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"bio":9,"short_bio":9,"slug":10,"image_url":9},27622,"Melissa Broder","M",315,null,"melissa-broder",[12,16,20],{"tag_id":13,"tag_name":14,"tag_count":15},276272,"last-sext",130,{"tag_id":17,"tag_name":18,"tag_count":19},192985,"scarecrone",92,{"tag_id":21,"tag_name":22,"tag_count":23},51,"poetry",91,{"quotes":25,"pagination":89},[26,34,40,46,52,58,64,70,76,82],{"id":27,"quote_text":28,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":31,"source":32,"quote_tag":33,"commentary":9},3278690,"I, myself, had a very complicated relationship with emptiness, blankness, nothingness. Sometimes I wanted only to fill it, frightened that if I didn’t it would eat me alive or kill me. But sometimes I longed for total annihilation in it – a beautiful, silent erasure. A desire to be vanished.",6,false,{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":35,"quote_text":36,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":37,"source":38,"quote_tag":39,"commentary":9},3278689,"I feel bad that I don’t identify with the purity of babies.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":41,"quote_text":42,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":43,"source":44,"quote_tag":45,"commentary":9},3278688,"Also, the silence is always there. The silence doesn’t go away.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":47,"quote_text":48,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":49,"source":50,"quote_tag":51,"commentary":9},3278687,"Though our minds try to tell a different story.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":53,"quote_text":54,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":55,"source":56,"quote_tag":57,"commentary":9},3278686,"I loved him too. But at the same time, who knew what love was exactly? I still didn’t have it figured out. I remembered what Dr. Jude had said. The question is not what is love, but is it really love I’m looking for?",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":59,"quote_text":60,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":61,"source":62,"quote_tag":63,"commentary":9},3278685,"Did anyone ever say that life was to be enjoyed and not suffered? What if the suffering was the point? But I didn’t want to suffer anymore. I couldn’t take it. That was clear. So I was going to try to be happy, even if it brought me more suffering.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":65,"quote_text":66,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":67,"source":68,"quote_tag":69,"commentary":9},3278684,"There I was, a woman on the rocks by the ocean, wrapped in a blanket, waiting for the return of her lover. Everything I knew about art would say that I was a painting. I was certainly a poem. Sappho was too – her life, perhaps, unknowable, but her feelings were mine. I was mythic.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":71,"quote_text":72,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":73,"source":74,"quote_tag":75,"commentary":9},3278683,"I don’t watch a lot of porn, but a typical search term for me is “fat lesbians.” What a beautiful fantasy: to be accepted and embraced and adored as your biggest self, the most you, by a woman who is her fullest her.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":77,"quote_text":78,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":79,"source":80,"quote_tag":81,"commentary":9},3278682,"Let’s pretend you are capable of being who I think I need you to be: a love story.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],{"id":83,"quote_text":84,"author_id":5,"source_id":29,"has_image":30,"author":85,"source":86,"quote_tag":87,"commentary":88},3278681,"Maybe that’s all that prayer was anyway – a cosmic google. In that case, any iPhone could be a synagogue.",{"id":5,"author_name":6,"slug":10,"author_name_first_letter":7,"article_count":8,"image_url":9},{},[],"**The Backstory**\nMelissa Broder, an American poet and essayist, wrote this quote in her 2016 essay collection \"So Sad Today\". The essay collection is a personal and humorous exploration of her struggles with anxiety, depression, and relationships. At the time of writing, Broder was in her mid-30s, navigating the complexities of adulthood and grappling with her own spirituality.\n\n**The Hidden Insight**\nThe quote reveals a counter-intuitive truth about prayer and spirituality. Broder suggests that prayer may not be about seeking divine intervention, but rather about seeking answers to life's mysteries through introspection and self-reflection. This insight challenges the conventional notion of prayer as a means of pleading with a higher power and instead positions it as a tool for personal inquiry and exploration.\n\n**How to Use This**\nTo apply this mindset today, try approaching your creative or professional challenges as a form of \"cosmic googling\". Instead of seeking external validation or guidance, use your own internal resources to explore and seek answers. This might involve setting aside time for self-reflection, journaling, or simply taking a walk to clear your mind and tap into your inner wisdom.",{"currentPage":90,"totalPages":91,"totalItems":8,"itemsPerPage":92},1,32,10]