I’m eighty-two, can you believe it?” She’s actually ageless, given that her purple face is stretched tighter than an eggplant. “So what did you have done?” I ask, unable to help myself. “The whole package,” she says. “Got my eyelids done, some Botox, a little filler, chin implant, cheekbones, got my lips done, neck lift, breast implants, tummy tuck, ass lift.

-Kristan Higgins

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