But I’ve crunched the numbers and think I’ve found my six-pack: I’ll get a new nose. The cartilage lost from one of those can be measured in grams. If I shave my head, that’s shaving off one fourth of a pound. 66.6 percent of the three-pound human brain would be another two pounds down. The vestigiality of all phalanges is coming to an end. So why keep them? And twenty-five feet of intestinal tract?Let’s half that. Anything gastric’s elastic. Ribs can be replaced with plastic.

-Amber Tamblyn

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