I would miss having Nic in my life. I would miss his funny phone messages and his humor, the stories, our talks, our walks, watching movies with him, dinners together, and the transcendent feeling between us that is love.I would miss all of it.I miss it now.And here it sinks in: I don't have it now. I have not had it whenever Nic has been on drugs.Nic is absent, only his shell remains. I have been afraid - terrified - to lose Nic, but I have lost him.
-David Sheff
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