(clearing throat) I, Osiris, Egyptian God of the Dead, would like to write this formal complaint against all the gods that have repeatedly stolen my wooden penis and placed it in various locations around the building. Most recently, I had discovered my penis inside of Ishtar's ass and I'm none too happy about it. No one should have to endure the kind of humiliation that I did. I would like to see immediate disciplinary action.
-Dylan Callens
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