[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"$fjV4Zn6-LXJHtSmzCfwsHY2UjQtKZ-9mV6hse_4J4JcQ":3,"$fkX1t8d9PxcUECcCsdk-ikdkHMo7PMgzlr_WDt8QYPsg":10},{"tag":4},{"id":5,"tag_name":6,"tag_first_letter":7,"tag_count":8,"tag_description":9},15628,"avoidant","a",27,"In the intricate tapestry of human emotions and behaviors, the concept of being \"avoidant\" weaves a unique and often misunderstood thread. This term typically refers to a pattern of behavior characterized by the tendency to steer clear of certain situations, emotions, or relationships, often as a protective mechanism against perceived threats or discomfort. While avoidance can manifest in various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional settings, it is most commonly associated with attachment styles and emotional responses. People are drawn to quotes about being avoidant because they offer a mirror to their own experiences, providing insight and validation. These quotes can illuminate the complexities of avoidance, offering comfort to those who recognize themselves in the words and encouraging reflection and growth. They resonate with individuals seeking to understand their own behaviors or those of others, offering a sense of connection and empathy. In a world where vulnerability is often seen as a strength, exploring the nuances of avoidance can lead to deeper self-awareness and, ultimately, personal transformation.",{"quotes":11,"pagination":146},[12,40,54,63,72,81,90,99,118,132],{"id":13,"quote_text":14,"author_id":15,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":18,"source":24,"quote_tag":25,"commentary":39},719591,"The unconscious operation of the attachment system via internal working models probably plays an important part in the choice of marital partner and relationship patterns in marriage. Holmes (1993) has described a pattern of 'phobic-counterphobic' marriage in which an ambivalently attached person will be attracted to an avoidant 'counter-phobic' spouse in a system of mutual defence against separation anxiety.",69594,2,false,{"id":15,"author_name":19,"slug":20,"author_name_first_letter":21,"article_count":22,"image_url":23},"Jeremy Holmes","jeremy-holmes","J",7,null,{},[26,31,36],{"id":27,"tag":28},3513139,{"id":29,"tag_name":30},95,"marriage",{"id":32,"tag":33},3513141,{"id":34,"tag_name":35},605,"psychology",{"id":37,"tag":38},3513138,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},"**The Backstory**\n\nJeremy Holmes, a renowned British psychoanalyst and academic, wrote about the attachment system's impact on marital relationships in his 1993 book. At that time, Holmes was actively engaging with Bowlby's Attachment Theory, which posits that early experiences shape our adult attachment patterns. This quote reflects his work during an era when the concept of attachment was gaining recognition within psychoanalytic circles.\n\n**The Hidden Insight**\n\nHolmes' description of a \"phobic-counterphobic\" marriage reveals a paradoxical dynamic where two individuals with different attachment styles come together to create a mutually defensive system against separation anxiety. This arrangement suggests that people may choose partners who complement their own insecurities, rather than trying to resolve them through healthier relationships.\n\n**How to Use This**\n\nWhen selecting a partner or entering into a professional collaboration, recognize the unconscious patterns at play and how they might be driven by attachment insecurities. Instead of seeking a \"fixer\" or someone who completes your perceived deficiencies, consider investing in self-reflection and personal growth to establish more secure attachment patterns, thus attracting healthier relationships.",{"id":41,"quote_text":42,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":44,"source":49,"quote_tag":50,"commentary":23},719510,"Overall, AVPs will be the ones to shut down in a relationship. There appear to be various reasons. They may find the spouse does understand them too well and is getting close.",3646,{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},"Dr. Sandra Smith-Hanen","dr-sandra-smith-hanen","D",25,{},[51],{"id":52,"tag":53},3512964,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"id":55,"quote_text":56,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":57,"source":58,"quote_tag":59,"commentary":23},719507,"Avoidants purport to want love, respect, and care in their lives and in their relationships. Yet it is very difficult to even approach the specifics with them. To start, they are unsure of themselves, and they need to communicate some certainty to others.",{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},{},[60],{"id":61,"tag":62},3512953,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"id":64,"quote_text":65,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":66,"source":67,"quote_tag":68,"commentary":23},719500,"In the beginning of their relationships, both short term and long term, the AVP seems to welcome assistance. As time progresses, they can see these same helpers as incompetent. This could be from a spouse helper to a therapist. When this occurs, passive–aggressive displays can be apparent, subsequent to distancing from a given relationship.",{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},{},[69],{"id":70,"tag":71},3512929,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"id":73,"quote_text":74,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":75,"source":76,"quote_tag":77,"commentary":23},719498,"In family life, avoidants appear to have a high need for attention. This attention needs to be positive attention, even if they are silent. If expectations or demands are made, they will quickly withdraw.",{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},{},[78],{"id":79,"tag":80},3512922,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"id":82,"quote_text":83,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":84,"source":85,"quote_tag":86,"commentary":23},719494,"These scenarios are repeated over and over again in daily living. The spouse feels anger, frustration, and confusion. They ask for a different approach, but usually, over years, it ends up in a hopeless state of confusion. AVPs state they love their spouse, but the question remains for them: To what end? The spouses would like their life to be different, but often they end up in stagnation.",{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},{},[87],{"id":88,"tag":89},3512909,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"id":91,"quote_text":92,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":93,"source":94,"quote_tag":95,"commentary":23},719490,"Most spouses of AVPs appear to have an early history of independence in their upbringing. They are often analytical in their approach and overall thinking. Almost all of the spouses state they like to be close. They appear to be planners and goal directed. Overall, they have strong expectations of themselves and others they are close to. They are now unhappy and see their spouse as unhappy. They have an underlying sense of wanting to fix the issues of the spouse.",{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},{},[96],{"id":97,"tag":98},3512902,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"id":100,"quote_text":101,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":102,"source":103,"quote_tag":104,"commentary":23},716205,"AVPs will hold the spouse accountable for “wrong” action. This is true even if the spouse felt he or she was supporting the AVP. The AVP is hypersensitive. They do have a continued suspiciousness of others and what they might do to them. This, in turn, maintains a fairly consistent internal defensive posture.",{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},{},[105,110,113],{"id":106,"tag":107},3504802,{"id":108,"tag_name":109},14858,"suspicious",{"id":111,"tag":112},3504797,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"id":114,"tag":115},3504801,{"id":116,"tag_name":117},40570,"hypersensitivity",{"id":119,"quote_text":120,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":121,"source":122,"quote_tag":123,"commentary":23},698014,"Judgment is literal, even in and with their own health. When someone wants and needs calm or regulation, there is an atmosphere of constraint created. When someone’s regulation is in part a self-created world, the other is now in uncertain territory. In an effort to diffuse the tensions, the AVP will often project an attitude of not caring and one of being overwhelmed.",{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},{},[124,129],{"id":125,"tag":126},3457864,{"id":127,"tag_name":128},11285,"overwhelmed",{"id":130,"tag":131},3457862,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"id":133,"quote_text":134,"author_id":43,"source_id":16,"has_image":17,"author":135,"source":136,"quote_tag":137,"commentary":23},668780,"We know that while AVP may be the least problematic of the personality disorders, it can have serious consequences in the lives of close family members, and particularly the significant other. Treatment can be initiated by an AVP, but often the focus is on other “symptoms,” such as failed relationships, anxiety, or depression. More often, treatment is initiated by the AVP’s significant other.",{"id":43,"author_name":45,"slug":46,"author_name_first_letter":47,"article_count":48,"image_url":23},{},[138,143],{"id":139,"tag":140},3377228,{"id":141,"tag_name":142},7897,"therapy",{"id":144,"tag":145},3377225,{"id":5,"tag_name":6},{"currentPage":147,"totalPages":148,"totalItems":8,"itemsPerPage":149},1,3,10]