1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius.

Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.