3,122 Quotes by Terry Pratchett

The ones who seem to know everybody. They hold the ring, stop the fighting…He could be funny, he could sing songs, and somehow he made everything…a bit better. Crying babies began to gurgle instead of howl, grown-ups stopped arguing, and the mothers became more peaceful and took his advice.

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people.

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?""What?""Oh, you'd like something simpler?

I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"Death thought about it.CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?

Thunder on my right hand. Lightning in my left hand. Fire behind me. Frost in front of me.