It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

They give you a colouring book and some crayons, and tell you, be creative...but don't go outside the lines.

I don't want something that's good for headaches. I want something that's bad for headaches. And good for me.

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.

In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

... Why do so many people need help?! Life is not that complicated. You get up, you go to work, eat three meals, you take one good shit and you go back to bed. What’s the fucking mystery?!

You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montanta, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.