I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain

You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.

We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.