When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.

She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch.

Butt holes are like a one-way street; they were made the way they were for a reason.

Manners,” I say. “It ain't polite to taste people. Shit.

Everything's just fucking Disney with you.

I'm more than a few neurons shy of a synapse right now, and it feels absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.

Well blow me down with a solar flare.

What happened out there?”“I almost got quarking toasted by a dragon.”“A dragon,” he repeats, scandalized. “Are you mad? Or have you been skulking around the bars of Barbary XIII?