27 Quotes About Awkward-moments

because daytime leaves vampires less than, well, conscious, I told him, “Take your muffins to Boston and shut it, Terrance.” And then I hung up on him.

I’m not freaking out. I’m turned on. I’m thinking about sniffing your bed pillows like a weirdo, contemplating if it’d be better for you to bend me over the island or the couch, and my ovaries are basically exploding—pew, pew, pew—like fireworks because you’re so good with Chunky that I can imagine you as the one of those dads who’d play tea party with your daughter. And all of that is making me hot and nervous . . . and . . . and . . . I should stop talking now.

Dear God, he prayed irreverently, was her blouse even legal?

Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

If you want to call it quits, just tell me. Man up and say it to my face. Don’t just skulk around.

It's only awkward if it matters.

Honey, are you being safe?''I wear my seat belt, yes.''Does this Rob Lovely wear a seat belt too?'Matty sighed. 'Mother, seat belts should be worn at all times when in a moving vehicle. Didn't you teach me that?''So long as we're both talking about condoms here, then I'll leave it.''Consider it left.

He stared for ten seconds or more, which, when eating a chocolate cake isn't much, but when staring, is.

you’d think that silence would be peaceful. but really, it’s painful.