244 Quotes by Adam Carolla

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

I'd never hurt another person.

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!