244 Quotes by Adam Carolla

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.

Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.

You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

She was so racially sensitive and suffering from secondhand outrage, she had to protest.