244 Quotes by Adam Carolla

Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.

Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.