372 Quotes by Al Franken

You don't stand up and say 'Your president is lying to you and you are dying for no reason.' I don't do that joke.

Call-time has renewed my faith in the need for public financing of elections. 'Call-time' is where I as the candidate, sit in a room with my 'call-time manager,' and a phone. Then I call people and ask them for money. For hours. Apparently, I'm really good at it.

Google's screen for privacy settings does give you more options for what you share than Apple's does. But it's not a complete list, and people aren't aware of whether or not that information will go to a third party.

There premise involves repeating idiotic crap over and over...

I don't consider myself an artist necessarily, but craftsmen or people in the arts, their spiritualism is sort of when you're writing well or performing well or doing whatever you do well, there's an element of that that's either God-given, a talent that you're not necessarily responsible for.

There's been a lot of back and forth between the two of us and this is just a good way to clear the air,

A brief digression on whether that suspicious-looking mole is actually cancer. ... Take this simple test called the ABC test. 'A' is for age. What is your age? Is it over thirteen? If so, it's cancer. That's how the ABC test works.

I'm part of the mushball middle. I consider 'confused' the majority position because, thankfully, most people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time - even when they're wrong.

If Republicans eliminate Medicare, America will become a country in which you can never retire - and once you physically can no longer work, you are desperately poor until you die.