372 Quotes by Al Franken

Politics is not just about power and money games, politics can be about the improvement of people's lives, about lessening human suffering in our world and bringing about more peace and more justice. -Paul Wellstone (Minnesota Senator, Al Franken predecessor)

Today I will masterbate!Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!

WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!

Mistakes are a part of being human. Precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

Simply put, once married you will no longer give a shit about how you look. What's more, personal appearance can be a handy arena in which to punish your spouse passive aggressively by allowing your own appearance to deteriorate.

When the president during the campaign said he was against nation building, I didn't realize he meant our nation.

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

Does the mainstream media have a liberal bias? On a couple of things, maybe. Compared to the American public at large, probably a slightly higher percentage of journalists, because of thier enhanced power of discernment, realize they know a gay person or two, and are, therefore, less frightened of them.

The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They're about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.