24 Quotes by Al Murray

My bookshelves were groaning with WW2 books, Hitler's baleful eyes staring out at me from covers and spines for any new visitor (or passing burglar) to wonder if I might be a fan or at least mildly obsessed.

I'm not an alcoholic, I am freedom fighter against the teetotal taliban.

The American dream? We don't have a dream in Britain because we're bloody awake!

We need a war every 10 years, so we can stay match fit in case the Germans try again.

It's a weight problem isn't it; you can't wait for lunch.

Louis Pasteur, the great scientist, said "chance favours the prepared mind", which is a posh way of saying 'do your homework', but it's an excellent piece of advice.

My mum had a cousin that had played when he was younger. When I showed an interest in drumming, he showed me how to mummy-daddy roll and that set me up for a bit. And to be honest, it's all about the sound, the noise, the rattle and hum. Who wouldn't want to make a fantastic noise with drums and cymbals?!

Our cheeky sidekick. We're like a motorcycle and sidecar.

You can leave a kid alone and it will learn to fend for itself, how to work the remote, a tin opener, and the microwave. I see the holidays as a chance for kids to learn self-sufficiency.