104 Quotes by Alan King

I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.

There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”

Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.