104 Quotes by Alan King

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Right when I started in show... Milton Berle was my first idol. When I was a kid, I went to see Milton at Lowe's State, and I never laughed so much, and I said, 'That's who I want to be; that's what I want to be.'

There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

Did you hear the one about the elderly Jew on his deathbed who sent for a priest, after declaring to his astonished relatives that 'I want to convert.' Asked why he would become a Catholic, after living all his life as a Jew, he answered: 'Better one of them should die than one of us.'

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

Smoked salmon is for dinner. Belly lox is for breakfast. Don't get that mixed up.

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.