106 Quotes by Alexandra Petri

You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.

In general, sincerity is awkward.

The difference between face-to-face conversation and any other medium of communication is simple: No distractions are permitted.

When police are shutting down cameras, it is a sign that they know the truth is not going to be kind to them.

There is something about a mortarboard that gives otherwise sane and normal people the overwhelming urge to burden you with advice. Some of them cannot help themselves. They were asked to do it by a committee. But one can only take so many pieces of wisdom before they all start to blur together.

Once, as my New Year's Resolution, I telephoned the Extenze Male Enhancement hotline every day for a month.

At college, everyone's milestones occurred in shared clumps. Everyone studied, caroused, won, lost - simultaneously. Life is not like that.

If awkward has an antithesis, it is probably Barack Obama.

Good laughs melt out of memory pretty quickly.