106 Quotes by Alexandra Petri

Millennials don't go to rallies.

You can be brilliant in some ways and despicable in others. You can be a clean, upright, moral individual in your private life who never swears, treats women with respect, and speaks highly of duty and honor - and go out every day and dedicate yourself to a cause that makes the world worse.

Hi, my name is Alexandra, and I'm a netaholic.

As long as I'm writing stuff and people are reading it, I'll be happy.

Bills ought to be passed with deliberation by committees. Change should be achieved in a bipartisan manner. Incrementally, day by day, we should reach a consensus - not perfect, by any means - but something that we can be proud of, nonetheless.

All children, except two, grow up: Peter Pan and Donald Trump Jr.

Life has its trade-offs. As you age, you lose things like teeth and the ability to play in the ball pit at fast-food restaurants, and you gain things like experience and employer-based health insurance.

Wilde is an invaluable acquaintance. Often, in situations where I am required to appear witty, I simply steal large chunks from his works and attempt to pass them off as my own with minor modifications.

I swear like a sailor, assuming the sailor in question died in 1800 and was really square.