1,237 Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver.

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.

WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy, an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign's hostility.