235 Quotes by Amy Sedaris

Sometimes it’s just enough for me to have the idea. I don’t need to see it through to the end. When it actually happens, I’m always disappointed because it’s never like what I imagined in my head. When an idea becomes a reality, then it’s a job. I’d rather just think about it.

I don’t mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I’m not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.

I’d rather have a part where you walk into a room and you leave. That’s perfect for me.

I want witchcraft so bad that I can’t stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, ‘See, magic happens.’ Works every time.

Don’t associate me with comedy. And please don’t say actress. I would never call myself any of those things. I hate it when people call me that.

But I always like to play ugly people who think they’re pretty.

The moment someone says, ‘Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,’ your party is over.

My kitchen’s pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it’s eye level – it’s true! – and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it’s right there.

As my guests leave even my most simple parties, I consistently hear the same thing: ‘That was the best time I ever had,’ and it’s always me saying it. But I do know in my heart they all feel the same way, probably.