68 Quotes by Andrew Dice Clay

My mother was the one who totally got behind me as far as, do things and ask questions later. My father would say, "I don't care how dirty you are up there, just be funny." Because they knew me offstage. They knew I was a good guy. They knew my whole plan of becoming the most exciting comedian, visually, ever. A real rock-and-roll stand-up comic.

I always believed you could fix whatever problems.

I just like to make people laugh.

When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone.

Being onstage and performing, the high of that, and people coming to see you, and getting to make them laugh - that's what gets me hyped up. It's a nervous excitement.

I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that.

As long as you can walk the street and you know there's a tomorrow, there's always that chance. That's how I've always been. I've always had complete belief that I would make something out of myself again, because to me, it's always been about accomplishment.

I loved my family so much when I was growing up, my parents, my sister. I wanted to be able to give them everything they ever dreamed of.

People have always been animals when it comes to sex. But since the Internet, it's become really out of control, in my opinion.