62 Quotes by Andy Dick

I grew up Presbyterian, just a basic Protestant upbringing. There were years in my life when I would go to church every Sunday and to Sunday school. Then I just phased out of it.

I went to network on a handful of pilots, and going to network is the most stressful situation anybody can ever be in. You're supposed to be on point, you're supposed to be at the top of your game, the funniest you can be, in about five minutes, in front of people wearing suits who really don't care, and they've probably already picked their person, but they have to see a handful just to satisfy the process. It's the most horrible, horrible process known to man. I wouldn't want anybody to go through it.

Straight people say, 'You know you're just gay,' and gay people say, 'You know you're just gay.' There is such a thing as bisexual!

Yes, I direct commercials as well. I get these really weird offers and then I have to bid on them and win the job. One offer that I have now, and I've already done this last year for the same company, is for Cash Value Cheese, this cheese out in the midwest. I did two spots for them last year and I'm going to probably do three this year. I also did some for the Utah Transit Authority, which was weird and interesting and they turned out really funny - they actually won an award.

Weather's not an issue when you have that kind of field.

Weather is always going to be a problem. It's probably an athletic director's worst nightmare. You set schedules in stone a year before and hope everything goes well.

Now I try to make efforts, you know, I'm just, the best effort I can do is just stay sober myself. I can at least do that.

You're paired with a pro, but it's two different divisions, ... There's a pro division and an amateur division. You're just on the pro's boat.

The best advice he ever gave me was to keep it real, keep it simple, ... He was a big believer in not having to spell every joke out. You shouldn't have to explain it.