123 Quotes by Andy Kindler

Judah Friedlander, I'm ok with you being the world champion for a few years more. That's a hook with legs. But I think he should make one more hat, that says 'there's a limit to how funny words on a hat can be'. And then move to a chapeau.

I don't know if it's the weather or what's going on - the summer or something like that - but recently I've been feeling extremely bisexual. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on, but I walked down the street and, suddenly, the ladies are looking awfully good to me.

Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.

I get some acting jobs. I like it other than the constant slipping in and out of character.

I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.

I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis.

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.