123 Quotes by Andy Kindler

I don't consider myself a political comedian because it's so hard. It takes time away from me saying terrible things about TV.

CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me.

I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more.

Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

I don't know what Tracy Morgan does onstage, but I can assure you, it's no act.

The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was talking about.

I try to go out for everything. I go out for any acting stuff that comes up, and voice-over stuff.

I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert.